God is good

it's about time i started using this blog again eh? Write more about other stuff than my travels. I think writing's coming back to me now. Plus, it'll be a good read of God's goodness in the future.
 
So i've been learning so much these past months. Mostly just being very very very blesses. God has just given me so much! Much more than I could ever ask for. He's been so faithful and so merciful. He teaches me, challenges me, stretches me so many times and in the end, I still end up screaming at Him for the things i don't get or the things i want. But ah, God is good remember? God is ever loving and ever forgiving and ever gracious. And He just keeps on giving me. Oh, how I love Him.
 
My plans in Australia started with nothing, and look where I'm at now! About 15 town and 4 main cities in Australia. God is good. I've been asking Him to teach me and to make me grow in Him, to be the person He wants me to be and to do the things He wants me to do. To let Him set me in his path and for me to just surrender to everything that's Him. I've learnt many times over and over again that I must FOLLOW HIM, and when I go astray, guess what? He brings me back. Yes, God is good.
 
He's taught me recently to LOVE. Not just to say to a friend "i love you" and let them know it, or to be kind towards another person because of love, or to be nice or whatever. But really love like the Bible talks about Love. Like 1 Corinthians 13. I prayed earnestly for God to teach me something that day and He pressed that verse on my heart. I must love the way He talks about love. To not envy, to not keep records of wrong doings, to be not easily angered to rejoice in truth etc. When applied into my daily life, I've realized how I've fallen short of all this, and then realized how loveless my relationships have been. At the end, it says that LOVE NEVER FAILS. It doesn't say love works only for that person, or sometimes it might not work, or that it depends on the situation, it says it NEVER fails. Ah, have I said God is good? how much more of an assurance can you get? It also says that without love, everything else is futile. Without love, my passion, my talents, my knowledge is nothing.
 
I've also learnt not to thrust my being into the company of others. To not rely my happiness, my joy, my character, my emotions on my relationship with other human beings, but completely in God. Human beings will fail you, disappoint you, break your trust. But guess what? God is good. And He's also showed me that even regarding my relationships and friends, He is in absolute control.
 
Another thing I've noticed is how passionate I've been and how God always revive that passion. The moment I go astray or my fire dampens. He always lights it up again and I'm on fire for Him. While on the ship, everyone was well, not always, but most of the time passionate for Him and it was so easy to let that passion grow in me as well. I liked it, I loved it! I loved being on fire for God and His kingdom. It was an amazing feeling! To be just all for Him to let Him do whatever He wants to do in me. In ME! Insignificant little me! So after the ship, I still had that fire, but then I started to die as the people around me just well, "didn't have it". I could be sitting at a conversation and then bring it to the topic of how great God is and be going on about His goodness, about every other thing and centering it on Him and just loving it, and I'd leave the conversation feeling how little the other person has responded. How the other person had that "okay, stop talking about God now" look and vibe. I'm not saying that if you don't talk about God 24/7 you're not passionate,  or don't love Him or whatever, I'm just saying it was a different environment out of the ship. And so my fire goes down, and I'm less and less motivated about anything. And remember how good God is? He sends me to Cornerstone and I just learn even more. Now, back in Adelaide, away from the confines of a Christian community, He's taught me that another way to be passionate about Him is by LIVING for Him. Not just what I say or do, but by LIVING for him.
 
Alright, that's alot for now, hopefully I write more in the future.
 
Goodnight, and God bless
 
end#

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How?

Oh! So dusty. Sorry poor blue blog. I know I’ve neglected you. But it’s about time I came back here to do what I normally do. Express myself? I think that’s it.

 

So one week on the ship right? Opne week and 2 days to be exact. I’ve met Doini from Romania. She’s cool. But while working, she mentioned something. You can’t exactly tell people how it’s wonderful to be on the ship. You can’t exactly explain. How can you? Ya, you can say you live with people from all over the world, and that it’s great because you can experience the different cultures and  yada yada. But how can you really know? You have to be HERE. I’m not using this as an excuse of course. It’s more like and realization? (sorry, my English is dying here. Have to make my sentences simpler while talking to other people who’s first language isn’t english) before I came on the ship, I tried to get as much information as possible. Talk to as many people as possible. Find out how they felt about it and what they’ve learnt. But I realized that it was all almost the same and very general. I wasn’t satisfied with all that before coming to the ship was possible. But after it was definite that I’m coming, I just left it as “nevermind, I’m gonna find out soon for myself”. And true enough, if I were to tell someone back home, I would say almost the same things as the other people have told me. It’s so difficult to explain something like this when I’m actually LIVING here. To express what you’ve gotten from this experience is to basically express how you’ve LIVED! If I were to tell you the same things as the others. Like it’s a wonderful time, I got so much closer to God, you’ll learn lots of things, etc. I’d feel it’s not enough.

 

I feel like the way I express myself is through my actions and my daily life. I see God mostly in what I do and what happens around me. So to me, I find it most helpful if I were to read about what the other person has been doing. Like for example, when I get to do stuff I’ve never done before or see things I’ve never seen before, I thank God so much and realize how privileged I am to be where I am and who I am, I learn that there is so much more to the world I’ve known all my life. And thats just one example.

 

So maybe I should express these thoughts? Ya, I should. Can’t really “expect” people to know how I think right? Okay then. But is it enough?

Goodbye

Hello poor blog. I've neglected you! Though I have been updating the other blog.

Its 4.30 am now. I'm leaving in about 12 hours. Maybelle is here. Staying overnight to keep me company. I guess I'm packed, just a few more things to stuff. Have not reached 20kg! only 13 so far. But thats just suitcase la. Still have got hand carry. But eh, hand carry also still not full yet okayyy...

I'm excited, afraid, and sad! At the same time!! Craziness! (As Maybelle would say)

I'm so afraid that I would forget something important to bring along!! Nevermind. Cross my fingers and pray.

So yea, after all that panicking, stress and everything else. I'm ACTUALLY GOING! Remember all my previous posts about Doulos? Well, it's finally here! In about 24 hours, I'd be on the ship already. So remember Janene and I at 2pm Sunday ya? That's when we'd have boarded the ship already.

Sigh, I'm gonna miss home so much! But I'm also wayyy too excited for what God has for me. Pray for me people! Pray especially that I'd get to update more. It'll be mostly the other blog that'll be updated more though. Oh ya, if I haven't mentioned yet, the email is ____. I won't have access to both blogs while on board, so can't read chatbox, only comments (if they get sent to me)

Email me people! AND PRAY!

Goodbye =D =D

The Old

LESS THAN 10 DAYS!!!

and I still have 5 more books. I really don't think I can finish it all in time. Seriously. Stupid lazy arse. AND, the visas I need for both PNG and AUS are still processing! I'm dead laaaaa

I'm expected to share something about my coming trip in church on Sunday. I have no idea what to do laaaa. I worship lead not enough meh? Doosh.

So I've somewhat packed. 13 shirts for Doulos too much? 3 sets of pajamas? 4 pairs of long pants? 20kg bag to check in plus hand carry plus bagpack. Remember the crazy flightplan? Oh ya, the dress code for PNG is so werid la. I hope it's only for PNG and not the other islands as well. For girls, if we wear pants, we have to wear a shrit that's long enough to COVER the bum completely. Otherwise, a normal shirt with knee lenght skirt. So mah fan la! Where to find long shirt you tell me? The advise given was just to wear skirts. Urgh, now I have to pack more. Plus, I only have 3 knee lenght skirts and they're all precious. Laundry there is once a week and they use this dryer thing that's not really good for clothes. Kinda wears it out. So how la my skirts? boohoo. Oh, and when I'm there, I'm going to tell you guys more about Charlie.

I can't believe I still have more shopping to do! How in the world am I going to find time to shop? This weekends scheduale is already packed packed packed!! I lost so much weight this month! (weee) But I think I'm going to put them on again. I've been trying to stuff myself with all those yummy KL food I'm going to miss so much!

I so feel like changing my plans and come back earlier instead of December. Maybe October/November. Urgh, the fickled mindedness!

Pictures!! at last!!



They're super old because I lost my cable and only just got the adapter for my memory card.

During mime dinner

Last day of school 2007

updated

I just realized that the information in the last post is outdated! Sorry, sorry

I'm actually leaving on the 5th now. Flight at 6.50pm from KLIA to Singapore. Arrive in Singapore, meet Janene, leave for Brisbane with Janene. From Brisbane, arrive in Port Moresby PNG at 1.40pm. Doulos people pick us up and WE'RE STEPPERS!

On the ship till 11th of June, stay in a hostel in Auckland till the 15th, leave at 1.25pm for Sydney together with Janene, then I head for Adelaide, she heads for Singapore.

Arrive in Adelaide at 6pm, and I don't know what after that.

Leave Adelaide on the 11th of December at 1.30pm, fly to Singapore (transit), and then BACK HOME! At 9pm on the 11th of December.

Oh ya, if anyone's been to Auckland, or know what to do there, TELL ME! Janene and I are still trying to plan our trip. Not easy la! Especially when we're noobs at "holidaying"

jasmineawayfromhome.blogspot.com
That's the blog I'm gonna be updating through email while on the ship as well as when I'm away la. It was actually jasminefloats.blogspot.com, but then I'm not floating the entire time I'm away, hence, the change.

Exhausted I is

oh shit, oh shit, oh shit...
19 days! crap crap crappp
7 more books! die die die
6 more Math books! DIE DIE DIE

I hate being busy! So much to do, so little time. Every single day, I come home from school at 7pm after running around everywhere. And by running, I mean with wheels la...

Doosh la, still haven't seen so many people yet. Argh, whatever la. If I don't even see them, then forget about it right?

Die laaa, 19 days you know.. 19 days ago, I was fussing about it being 36 days left.

I don't know where to start packing la! How do you pack for 8 months away from home at completely different locations with different weathers? And you're only allowed 20kg! I have the bags and everything, but I DON'T know where to start!

I want to sleep! And be LAZY! And do nothing but laze around and wait for 5th of April to drop by! Exhausted I is

ps :I created another blog, with a separate account. It's still under construction. Using it to update people about my time away. Reason why it's separated from this blog is because I'm publicizing it and I don't want any other human being to read this if I can help it. Guess what the blog add is?

pps: Braces coming off-fer-fer on the 25th!

Confirmed

Shalom! Hello slightly bigger world. All is good. God heals, time heals =D

So the plan is, I''ll be heading down to Singapore by car on the 4th or the 5th, fly off from Singapore on the 5th and reach the ship on the 6th. I just realized that I have never listed down my ports of all here! Here you go (you can go Google the places up) -

Port MoresbyPapua New Guinea
Mar 28th, 2008
Apr 17th, 2008
Port VilaVanuatu
Apr 23rd, 2008
Apr 29th, 2008
LautokaFiji
May 2nd, 2008
May 14th, 2008
SuvaFiji
May 15th, 2008
Jun 4th, 2008
AucklandNew Zealand
Jun 9th, 2008
Jul 1st, 2008


I'm leaving the ship on the 11th and after that, I'll leave Auckland on the 15th. Yes, I'm staying longer in NZ! Do touristy stufffff *insert super wide metallic smiley* Fly to Adelaide and stay there till approximately the 10th of December. laalaalaaaa

I'm booking my flights now as I type so everything IS confirmed. That means about 23 days left! Can't wait! Can't wait! ( I wish I could just burn the 7 more school books I have to finish)


Grade 8 theory exam was on Monday, STEP orientation was yesterday, and Doulos in 23 dayssssssss.

Have I mentioned I HAVE A PARTNER?! Her name is Janene (yes! another Jay) She's from Segamat and she'll be going for the same STEP. Yay!!

Pull Out

Hello minuscule world! Time for more emo-ing. Just close this window la.

I feel like pulling out of my STEP. I'm not even on the ship yet and I already think it'll be bad(not the ship, me) I'm not right. I'm not right with God, people and myself. So how can I be in a program that requires me to be my best when I'm not. I'm not even myself anymore. I don't even know what that is. I've been hoping that I'll get over it before the ship, but it's 31 fucking days left. Not good at all. Plus, the amount of things I have on my hands is so overwhelming, I really really really can't take it. Delaying my STEP would lighten things, it'll also give me more time to get right. Should I? The weirdest thing is, even though I hate all the work and even though I'm not right, I can't wait to go! Sheesh, I hate you.

Don't say it if you don't mean it.
Don't tell me things you won't do.
Don't pretend.
I'll never believe again anyway.

You

I hate you
I hate that you're stupid
I hate that you're paranoid
I hate that you're lazy
I hate that you're a hypocrite
I hate that you're a bitch
I hate that you're selfish
I hate that you're a wuss
I hate that you're alive
You, I fucking hate you so much

I wish, I need, Maybe

I wish I could get sucked in a hole and maybe come out at another end to a whole different universe. I wish the myth about sinking sand was true. That at the other end, You're in a different place. I wish I could freeze myself and wake up in the future like Cartman. I wish I could go to heaven right now. I wish I could stop my beating heart. I wish I could shut my brain completely off. I wish I could just leave. I wish I could erase my memories, both good and bad ones. I wish I could be sent to the butcher to be chopped up alive. I wish I could be sliced open and my guts taken out of me. I wish I could point a shotgun and blow my head up. I wish the human race could be extinct. I wish that everyone was sad.

I need a new brain. I need a new heart. I need all things old to be burnt fried and sent to hell. Or rather, sent to hell to be burnt and fried. I need to run away. I need a complete change.

Then maybe, just maybe, I could be truly happy forever.

Flies

I've not been blogging lately because if I did, it'll be all emo now. Been fucking depressed for days. Ah yes. And I'd swear too. Sorry.

So I shall let the flies take over until I'm a happier person

or, I actually itch to blog

or, something stupid like the lock thing happens again

till then, 38 fucking days left!

I don't even have a word to describe it

I better post this while its still fresh. So I locked myself out right? That was Saturday morning. I didn't call the locksmith because my mum wanted to look for the keys first. (Don't want to admit defeat la...) Plus, I was really lucky because the day before, I brought a load of stuff to Huey Sing's house and didn't bring them into my room. So I had my bag, jeans, one top, comb etc. Even my school bag was outside cause I was actually hard working this holiday and did work

So after FIVE days of being locked out and sleeping like a nomad, after FIVE days of searching high and low, after FIVE days of trying to pick the lock, after FIVE days without my phone, I finally call the locksmith. He came in the evening, picked the lock with his fancy tools and charged me RM45.

Here comes the most *I don't even have a word to describe it* part.

Immediately after he unlocked the door, I searched for the keys in my room and couldn't find it. My mum checked the basket where the key's are normally kept again and... TADA! She found the keys behind the basket!!! (Ya, you can shoot me now)

So, I paid RM45 for nothing, went without my room for FIVE freaking days for nothing and everything else for nothing!

At least now I know I can wear one of my mums skirt (even if its a little loose) in emergencies, I know that I can actually survive without the stuff in there (except my phone), I know that the couch is actually quite comfortable to sleep on, I know that not having my room makes me emo less because there're no four walls to keep me sheilded.

Right, everyone can choke me now.

And Again

I guess I should blog, but I wouldn’t be if not for the fact that its 2.34am and I have no room to go to again. I locked myself out of the room. Again. So not a great way to start a Saturday, especially one that is packed with important events. My day just went south from then onwards, but it was all good when I arrived at GB. The cadets ar.... they make my day! Didn’t get to see them for three weeks and I’ve already missed them much much much. How am I gonna survive without them for 8 months?! Super duper uber mega cute little girls =D =D

I got my SAT results! I thought I was only going to get them on the 25th, until I saw that particular email. It's okay I guess. I didn't get 1600, but I also just found out that that's not the average score =P The average score is about 1500. Remember how I was expecting 1200 or 1300? I did better than that. Yay! Such a relief.

I haven't written about my preparation for Doulos for quite some time now... I have RM4000 more to raise and right now, I really don't know how to raise that last amount. Then again, I've received RM11000 and that's awesome don't you think?? I also found out that I can only bring 20kg with me. I think that's the normal limit for any flight, but how in the world am I going to fit 8 months worth of living away from home? Especially when packing for Doulos would be different from packing for Australia. e.g. packing something I need for Aus but not at all for the ship therefore taking up space for things I'd actually need on the ship.

I actually wanted to spend sometime in Auckland after I get off from the ship. Holiday there abit for maybe a week. I mean, I'm already there right? So I might as well... But then, I don't have a place to stay! And my dad is too much of a dad (protective, if you don't get me) to let me stay in a hostel. His reasons are fine, but then again, when will I get another chance to be there?

Last night, my dad was talking me through all the airport stuff. I've only been on a plane twice btw. Once when I was too small to remember, and once about 3 years ago. The first was to Singapore and the other to Kuching. And, the only other country I've been to is Singapore. Therefore, this flight thing is going to be quite scary since I've got about 3 trips to make. Not to mention the transits. Which means about 2 to 6 planes.... And, all alone! And, I've never done it before!! Scaryyy

49 more days. I'm going to miss home abit, but I still CAN'T WAIT TO GO!!

Ah yes, CNY has been okay only. Didn't play black jack at all! Didn't even get to see a lion dance! Ishh... Nevertheless, it's okayy, been playing alot of mah jong though =D Ang pow also not as many, but I haven't even started counting. Singapore ones also not bad I guess. Haven't even opened any yet. And, just for the sake of mentioning it, I didn't get to buy any pink M&M's, didn't have time =(

Okay, time to go sleep on the couch

Singapore

Yes, Im in blogging from Singapore. Paid 1 Sing dollar to use the internet for 15 min. I've got 10 more, so I shouldn't waste it since I didn't receive anything important. Im blogging through my email!! I finally figured out how=D
 
Singapore is nice. Not that many ang pao's but the foos and shopping has been great! oh crap.. I was suppose to get a camera. Darn. Sale everywhere! and they have rasbery m&m's!! gonna get a few packets back home =D
 
And and and and and.... I GOT A DORY POSTER!! *screams* aaaaaaaaaaahh!!
 
I'm staying in the gardens hotel. For once, after my whole life of staying at relatives puny flats, we're staying in a hotel. It's old... but nice, and clean. My bro's and I wanted to go check out the pool on the 5th floor, but it's damn scary cause it's so dark. Ended up here wasting 2. something something ringgit.
 
5 more min, um... it's 1.27am right now actually. We're leaving at 5am to avoid the jam. I have super cute nice and nephews! Babies =D =D My naphew loves Transformers! It runs in the family la..
 
Okay, 3 more min. Time to post this up

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Boxes

Can I just leave? Right now? Leave and not come back. I mean, who is there to say good bye to? Or rather, who'd want to say good bye? Pack up and just go. Leave everything here the way it is. Because from the looks of it, the boxes are just gonna keep opening up. Slowly, resurfacing, torturing me.

To say goodbye would mean opening up those boxes slowly. Even if I don't want to. They would just come out from deep inside, so many years of keeping, and now open to say goodbye? Whatever for? I'd just hurt myself! Every goodbye means opening up a box, and maybe even creating new ones.

Can I just leave now? Right now? 60 days is too long. I need to go NOW. While the old ones are still at the bottom and the new ones are being buried.

He died!

I'm in shock. I just found out that one of my favourite actors was found dead in his apartment on the 22nd of January. I can't even type properly.

Sigh, he was one of the best!

Sad news aside, (well, at least this sad news.. sigh) I've got about 65 days left I think. Just went through a list of things I'll be missing while I'm gone.

GB Awards Day

GB Enrolment Day

GB Sengoi visitation

GB inter squad competitions

GBID

School sports day

School debate competition

Huey Sing's birthday

May's birthday

Sarah's birthday

Kathy and Joy's birthday

Jasmine junior's birthday

Shana's birthday

Maybelle's birthday

Alot more birthdays!

Some rally thingy

Some other enrolment

Durian season

Parents 25th anniversary

Not being able to sat good bye to some friends

Nina! ( She's coming back in August =( )

And the list goes on...

The worst is not being able to see Nina. I actually had to think twice about staying longer. Come back to see her, or stay there and miss her? Sigh, of course it ended up to be the latter =( I miss her so much.

I am ready to leave now. It's actually the perfect time. I have things that'll be left behind, but I think it's better I leave than stick around to watch it fall apart. Again. Things come and go all the time in my life. Sorry, it's everything that changes, even in a short span of any amount of time. Let's see how it'll will end up if I just leave it stagnant.

My worse fear of coming back home after such a long time would be the gap. I hate gaps in life. Absolutely hate it. Especially when its not filled with anything. When I leave and come back, there's gonna be this huge gap. Will things be the same? Will the same friends be there? What would be different? I know things always have to change, which is the main reason why I'd hate the gap so much. I'd come back to a life that won't be the same, even if it's just for 8 months. I'll definitely miss home, but I'll also definitely be thinking twice about coming home. What's left for me back here by then?

Stupid American Test

Stupid American Test
I just finished it. Well, not just la... more like 3 hours ago. I did so badly I think I'm gonna have to do it again. Sigh, I ran out of time for so may sections it's crazy! I thought English I would be good at and the Math scared me a little. But thennnn, as usual la, I did well for the one I'm worst at and did very badly for the one I was okay with. I think I'm gonna get 1400? Maybe 1200? I dunno la. Urgh, I was hoping to get above 1600 which is the AVERAGE! Die laaa... If I really have to take it again, maybe when I come back.

Lalala.. At least it ONE DOWN! Two more things to get over with before I leave.

Sigh, I'm leaving so soon and yet I've got so much to do!!!! CNY is coming and I'm gonna be in Singapore! Yay, angpau $ x2!

Time to go, its 4 and I haven't had anything to eat since the 2 digestive biscuits I consumed during the break. Plus, I had to wake up at 6.30am! I hate early mornings!! I'm dead tired now. Wish I didn't have to get back to GB later

I shall remember

I'm a hero! Three post in three days!! *applause* thank you thank you

No, really I'm a hero... I went to a clinic, got a jabbed, and went to the hospital. All this with a brother on crutches* and no car. All I did was wait for a cab to come to me. Hear that? Wait for cab to come to me. Twice. With only RM20 in my purse. Yes, I'm a true hero.
*he got knocked by a car that swerved into the ally too fast. The car knocked him on his knee and fell on his back onto a curb. drama drama drama

So I was waiting in the hospital for the x-ray report (you know la, Malaysia... so it took ages) reading My sisters keeper. (I was reading a book that has its main setting in a hospital while I'm in a hospital.) Gosh, I think it's the hormones because at the end of every single paragraph, I had to take a deep deep breaths before I could go on. It is so so so deep.

I guess the hormones and the reading did me good. (And the hospital too I guess, because I don't read unless I have nothing else to do lest I get distracted) I got me thinking again and I realised that I've forgotten something important.

When I was 13/14, I was asked "what do you want to do when you grow up?" I would answer them "a missionary, a relief worker or anything like that" Because at that time, I already knew that all I wanted to do was help others. In any way possible. Help anyone with something they aren't capable of doing themselves. Help them in their daily lives. Help them by just being there. Help them receive salvation that hasn't touched them yet. I have all these things so many other people don't! So why would I want to waste it on going to Starbucks every other afternoon, or spend a fortune on clothes or go party every other night and blablabla... Of course I'm not saying it's completely wrong to do these things. If I had the means to do so, I wouldn't mind it. But what I'm trying get at is that I don't want to just sit around doing things for myself. Sending a check or two to organizations is good, but I always felt that it's not enough. I want to give. Give all I have to those who don't have.

Through all this chaos of studying, preparing and pressure from making important decisions, I lost track of my initial intention. All I thought about was what I'm going to do or how it would affect my future and all... I want to give. And that I shall never forget again because my Lord loves me and knows whats best for me, therefore will never never never let me go astray.

Study

I deserve a big pat on the head! Two post in two days!! Must be a record.

Today, I

studied
studied
cried over dory
talked to the fish
studied
got conned(is it suppose to have two n's?) by brother
studied
studied
made brother buy me beer
studied
drank beer
studied
studied
slept
studied
burnt my toast
studied
and ate apple pie

I rather I be bored now. It's so much better than studying. Worse thing is that even though I sit myself down in front of my books, I get so distracted! I'll always fly away to some far away land... Sigh, I need to do well for SAT!

Not much of a post right? Aiyo.. wriege la. Back to studying =(

And I blab

Let's see... my blabbing should start with?

SAT is in 6 days!
I finally get an iPod!
I almost crashed my car. Twice!!
I HAVE A DORY FISH!!
Parents not home for 6 days!
Braces can come off soon!
FISHES RULE!!!!!

You know what's the best song in the world right now at this moment? I LOVE ROCK AND ROLL! (okay, random. Sorry.. But it's soo good!) I don't have pictures today la, only a video of.. well, you'll see.

*counts* So it's 75 more days. I really didn't think I'd be this reluctant to leave. I thought it'll be easier and things will be okay like it has always been. But my heart is getting heavier every passing day. Sigh, I wish I could pack everything and take along with me.

My parents are actually in Hong Kong now. Have been since Thursday and coming home on Tuesday. Mum said she'd buy clothes for me. Hope I can fit into them. They're getting iPods for my bro's and I! weeeeee! Finally =D The house is in a mess and I hate doing laundry and dishes. And yes, I'm broke =(

I shall tell you more about my darling beautiful blue fish later. Once my parents come back with the camera. You know, I spent the whole night getting the cam into good condition and my very very intelligent parents left for HK without the battery!

About the car, well.. we live in Malaysia don't we? HEH!

I'm still trying to figure out how I'm gonna blog while I'm on the ship. You'd want updates won't you?? =P Someone tell me if you know ya? I heard about something like blogging through email or something like that.

Lalalalalaaaaa... I heart dory the fishhy. Both the human one and the soft adorable beautiful one. Sing Song shall not kill me! You are girl friends, but we're fish friends! We have a special fishy bond. Fishes rock!

Eunice tried to be smart. But oh well... XD ( I'm such a girl in this video) You're gonna have to tilt your head for this

The girlfriends tried to rape me. Of course, they FAILED!

I would upload them on youtube.. but then, I've got a virus on my comp that laughs at me.

I'm gonna eat dinner now. My bro cooked. So please pray for me.

edit: my brother's an IDIOT! he was playing with my darling dory making her dance to the rock and roll song, and it ended up in my plate of pasta! SCREW HIM LA! Now, she's gonna smell like tomatoes. That IDIOT!! ... made me cry =( =(

Eighty Five Days

That's how long I have till I leave. That's how long I have to complete all I have to. I'm actually taking a break from the mad schedule I made for myself. The number one priority now is my SAT. Only 16 days more for that. I think I'll be fine if I study consistently as planned.

School's okay. It's quiet. Very quiet. Except for that one mouth that won't close. But it's good I guess. No distractions from work. I miss Kathy though, miss her more than I thought I would. Mun Yee left =( Haven't talked to her since she told me. Feel quite angry at her for I don't know what reason. I shall wait till it wears off and call her. She's a good friend. Gosh, I still miss Nina like crazy.

Urgh. Studying is not fun at all. I'm not use to this kind of stress even though I should be as a student. Call me spoilt =P

I still get scared at the thought of leaving. So scared I tell you! But it's been okay. Every time I start to freeze up, God will immediately show me something to calm me down! I love my Lord!! I'd be leaving a few things(friends, GB etc) behind that I wish I could take along. Only a few though. I'm not one to hold on to things forever. But of course, there'd be some.

Doulos is gonna be awesome. I can't wait! Have got a quite a few things left to do. One at a time. Oh! Do you know that I'll be sailing for more than 10 days?! Weeeeeeeee

I love kids (random I know, but you don't have to know why I said it =P)

About time I have some pictures on my blue blog don't you think? All taken with camera phones. Sorry! But hey, they're pictures!

This was my view on New Year's Day. A panoramic view of KL and more from Bangsar. Imagine our view of the fireworks! Twas awesome

Us three girls of the night. Me, Sing Song and Eunice. Continue reading. *scroll*

All six of us after yummy drinks. The blackies are 10th KLs and the odd red one there's the only 1st KL GB.

My dorky brother who spent half of New Years with us "kids"

What Eunice did to my bro's ice cream

and this is Eunice! My new friend =) The other Dory!

and Maka! The other 10th KLian who didn't make it to countdown.

So there you go. They're quite disorganized but I don't really care. You can see that I've been hanging out with 10th KL people which is quite weird. Christmas Day, New Years and another event. It's because I've been hanging out with Huey Sing more and she comes with that particular "package". I'm glad I've gotten to know them, Brigade wert... all same kind of lameness =D Too bad I'll be leaving so soon, wish I've gotten to know them earlier.

Why the Pang

You know what stops me from blogging? Let me run you through my thoughts when I ask myself "Should I blog?"

"I have things to say, but then I won't have any pictures. And I don't feel like writing about that event. All I'll do is write my stuff, but that's not that interesting. People won't really want to read that? Oh forget it! I don't even feel like writing about what happened."

But now, I realised that I SHOULDN'T CARE! It's my freaking blog isn't it? So I can write whatever I want to. In MY timing. So yea.. if you think it's not interesting, then just click the little x box up there at the right hand corner of the page.

Now that that's out of the wayyyy, I'll start blabbering!

You know how I was panicking? Well, I still am. My palms would start sweating and I'd feel all dizzy for awhile. It's kinda happening now actually. And just in case you're wondering why in the world I'm blogging when I've go all these things to do, I'm gonna tell you that it's because I locked myself out of my room, thus preventing me from completing more work. I'm getting sick of telling the same old story again when I'm asked "So what are you doing?" besides answering literally like "I'm talking to you" XD So I'm gonna try to write it all here and also use it as proof to whomever of my plans just in case some people accuse me of changing them.

I'm going to do my SAT's at the end of January, 26th to be exact. Then there's my Grade 8 theory exam on the 10th of March. Between now till the end of March, I've got 8 books of Math, 2 books of LA, and 2 books of science to complete. (yes I know, my fingers a freezing up!)

On the 5th of April(my brothers birthday!), I fly of to Port Moresby, Papua New Guinea to join the ship (Doulos)! I'll be sailing to another port in Papua, Vanuatu, 2 ports in Fiji, and finally Auckland, New Zealand. If possible(and I really want to!) I'd stay in Auckland for a while as a tourist or maybe help out with the ship a little more for a few weeks and then off to Adelaide! I'd fly off to stay with my aunt ( yet to liaise with her) and uncle in their humongous bungalow. Don't exactly know what I'm gonna do there yet. Travel abit, work, join a short term mission trip there. I'd also be searching for anything I can do there to further my studies. If I find anything good, I'd stay there to complete it. Otherwise, I'd come back to KL preferably in December.

So there you have it =D When I leave in April, it could be my last time saying good bye.

Okay, my fingers are so cold, I think they're gonna be chopped off.

Pang!

Oh crap, I'm so nervous right now. I'm feeling the pressure! It's1.57am, 2nd January 2008. That was fast! I thought I had four more months! How'd it get to three???
I'm so scared my finger tips are getting cold, my palms are sweating, my heart is thumping faster, I've got butterflies in my stomach and my head's getting wuzzy.

Just THREE more months! How in the world am I going to do it. SAT, theory, school, Doulos. THREE MONTHS!

*slowly breath in, breath out"

I need thee, Oh I need thee, every hour I need thee