Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Missing stuff

Ah.. frequent updates. Gives the blog a new um.... feel. I've been very forgetful these days. While shopping, I couldn't remember what I like. Until Maybelle says "oh ya, I remember you like shoes with the side designs." and then I go " I can't remember." That happened quite often, and we're talking about Maybelle here, the forgetful one. Maybe it's because there are other things filling my mind. What it is I don't even really know. I know one of it for sure, and that particular thing is not a healthy thing to think about. It keeps me awake, through the night at times. It eats up my study time, and basically does not good to me. So I've got to control my thoughts and not think about it. Hmmm.. easier said than done. I'll try nonetheless

I've also been missing the other life away from home pretty much too. I miss being able to dress the way I like and be adventures. I can't do that here, I tend to think of others "expectations" and view myself from others eyes. That's not so right, I agree. But it's society and a big part of life. I can't help it. Over there, no one knows me, no one knows how I normally dress, I have no one to compare my dressing to. I liked it. I think that may be why I forget what I like while shopping. I want to dress out of myself, but don't dare to anymore, and yet I don't want to buy clothes like I did before. 

I miss learning new stuff everyday. Learning about myself and experiencing God in an in-your-face way. Experiencing new things and meeting new people. Being in new situations and learning to handle them. Sometimes I even get sick and tired of trying to be a "new" person over here. Over there, I don't have to try as hard. It's alot easier when people don't already know you for so-many-years.

The whole spending time for myself thing isn't working out very well. I spend time for myself, I do. But not on my relationship with Him, though I pray more now. The reading more thing isn't working, the cleaning my room isn't working, getting fitter is so not happening... I side tracked pretty quick eh? Got to get back. CNY is over today. No more excuses Jasmine. Get away from the computer and do stuff! and study too! You'll feel more productive and not so useless.


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