He died!

I'm in shock. I just found out that one of my favourite actors was found dead in his apartment on the 22nd of January. I can't even type properly.

Sigh, he was one of the best!

Sad news aside, (well, at least this sad news.. sigh) I've got about 65 days left I think. Just went through a list of things I'll be missing while I'm gone.

GB Awards Day

GB Enrolment Day

GB Sengoi visitation

GB inter squad competitions

GBID

School sports day

School debate competition

Huey Sing's birthday

May's birthday

Sarah's birthday

Kathy and Joy's birthday

Jasmine junior's birthday

Shana's birthday

Maybelle's birthday

Alot more birthdays!

Some rally thingy

Some other enrolment

Durian season

Parents 25th anniversary

Not being able to sat good bye to some friends

Nina! ( She's coming back in August =( )

And the list goes on...

The worst is not being able to see Nina. I actually had to think twice about staying longer. Come back to see her, or stay there and miss her? Sigh, of course it ended up to be the latter =( I miss her so much.

I am ready to leave now. It's actually the perfect time. I have things that'll be left behind, but I think it's better I leave than stick around to watch it fall apart. Again. Things come and go all the time in my life. Sorry, it's everything that changes, even in a short span of any amount of time. Let's see how it'll will end up if I just leave it stagnant.

My worse fear of coming back home after such a long time would be the gap. I hate gaps in life. Absolutely hate it. Especially when its not filled with anything. When I leave and come back, there's gonna be this huge gap. Will things be the same? Will the same friends be there? What would be different? I know things always have to change, which is the main reason why I'd hate the gap so much. I'd come back to a life that won't be the same, even if it's just for 8 months. I'll definitely miss home, but I'll also definitely be thinking twice about coming home. What's left for me back here by then?

Stupid American Test

Stupid American Test
I just finished it. Well, not just la... more like 3 hours ago. I did so badly I think I'm gonna have to do it again. Sigh, I ran out of time for so may sections it's crazy! I thought English I would be good at and the Math scared me a little. But thennnn, as usual la, I did well for the one I'm worst at and did very badly for the one I was okay with. I think I'm gonna get 1400? Maybe 1200? I dunno la. Urgh, I was hoping to get above 1600 which is the AVERAGE! Die laaa... If I really have to take it again, maybe when I come back.

Lalala.. At least it ONE DOWN! Two more things to get over with before I leave.

Sigh, I'm leaving so soon and yet I've got so much to do!!!! CNY is coming and I'm gonna be in Singapore! Yay, angpau $ x2!

Time to go, its 4 and I haven't had anything to eat since the 2 digestive biscuits I consumed during the break. Plus, I had to wake up at 6.30am! I hate early mornings!! I'm dead tired now. Wish I didn't have to get back to GB later

I shall remember

I'm a hero! Three post in three days!! *applause* thank you thank you

No, really I'm a hero... I went to a clinic, got a jabbed, and went to the hospital. All this with a brother on crutches* and no car. All I did was wait for a cab to come to me. Hear that? Wait for cab to come to me. Twice. With only RM20 in my purse. Yes, I'm a true hero.
*he got knocked by a car that swerved into the ally too fast. The car knocked him on his knee and fell on his back onto a curb. drama drama drama

So I was waiting in the hospital for the x-ray report (you know la, Malaysia... so it took ages) reading My sisters keeper. (I was reading a book that has its main setting in a hospital while I'm in a hospital.) Gosh, I think it's the hormones because at the end of every single paragraph, I had to take a deep deep breaths before I could go on. It is so so so deep.

I guess the hormones and the reading did me good. (And the hospital too I guess, because I don't read unless I have nothing else to do lest I get distracted) I got me thinking again and I realised that I've forgotten something important.

When I was 13/14, I was asked "what do you want to do when you grow up?" I would answer them "a missionary, a relief worker or anything like that" Because at that time, I already knew that all I wanted to do was help others. In any way possible. Help anyone with something they aren't capable of doing themselves. Help them in their daily lives. Help them by just being there. Help them receive salvation that hasn't touched them yet. I have all these things so many other people don't! So why would I want to waste it on going to Starbucks every other afternoon, or spend a fortune on clothes or go party every other night and blablabla... Of course I'm not saying it's completely wrong to do these things. If I had the means to do so, I wouldn't mind it. But what I'm trying get at is that I don't want to just sit around doing things for myself. Sending a check or two to organizations is good, but I always felt that it's not enough. I want to give. Give all I have to those who don't have.

Through all this chaos of studying, preparing and pressure from making important decisions, I lost track of my initial intention. All I thought about was what I'm going to do or how it would affect my future and all... I want to give. And that I shall never forget again because my Lord loves me and knows whats best for me, therefore will never never never let me go astray.

Study

I deserve a big pat on the head! Two post in two days!! Must be a record.

Today, I

studied
studied
cried over dory
talked to the fish
studied
got conned(is it suppose to have two n's?) by brother
studied
studied
made brother buy me beer
studied
drank beer
studied
studied
slept
studied
burnt my toast
studied
and ate apple pie

I rather I be bored now. It's so much better than studying. Worse thing is that even though I sit myself down in front of my books, I get so distracted! I'll always fly away to some far away land... Sigh, I need to do well for SAT!

Not much of a post right? Aiyo.. wriege la. Back to studying =(

And I blab

Let's see... my blabbing should start with?

SAT is in 6 days!
I finally get an iPod!
I almost crashed my car. Twice!!
I HAVE A DORY FISH!!
Parents not home for 6 days!
Braces can come off soon!
FISHES RULE!!!!!

You know what's the best song in the world right now at this moment? I LOVE ROCK AND ROLL! (okay, random. Sorry.. But it's soo good!) I don't have pictures today la, only a video of.. well, you'll see.

*counts* So it's 75 more days. I really didn't think I'd be this reluctant to leave. I thought it'll be easier and things will be okay like it has always been. But my heart is getting heavier every passing day. Sigh, I wish I could pack everything and take along with me.

My parents are actually in Hong Kong now. Have been since Thursday and coming home on Tuesday. Mum said she'd buy clothes for me. Hope I can fit into them. They're getting iPods for my bro's and I! weeeeee! Finally =D The house is in a mess and I hate doing laundry and dishes. And yes, I'm broke =(

I shall tell you more about my darling beautiful blue fish later. Once my parents come back with the camera. You know, I spent the whole night getting the cam into good condition and my very very intelligent parents left for HK without the battery!

About the car, well.. we live in Malaysia don't we? HEH!

I'm still trying to figure out how I'm gonna blog while I'm on the ship. You'd want updates won't you?? =P Someone tell me if you know ya? I heard about something like blogging through email or something like that.

Lalalalalaaaaa... I heart dory the fishhy. Both the human one and the soft adorable beautiful one. Sing Song shall not kill me! You are girl friends, but we're fish friends! We have a special fishy bond. Fishes rock!

Eunice tried to be smart. But oh well... XD ( I'm such a girl in this video) You're gonna have to tilt your head for this

The girlfriends tried to rape me. Of course, they FAILED!

I would upload them on youtube.. but then, I've got a virus on my comp that laughs at me.

I'm gonna eat dinner now. My bro cooked. So please pray for me.

edit: my brother's an IDIOT! he was playing with my darling dory making her dance to the rock and roll song, and it ended up in my plate of pasta! SCREW HIM LA! Now, she's gonna smell like tomatoes. That IDIOT!! ... made me cry =( =(

Eighty Five Days

That's how long I have till I leave. That's how long I have to complete all I have to. I'm actually taking a break from the mad schedule I made for myself. The number one priority now is my SAT. Only 16 days more for that. I think I'll be fine if I study consistently as planned.

School's okay. It's quiet. Very quiet. Except for that one mouth that won't close. But it's good I guess. No distractions from work. I miss Kathy though, miss her more than I thought I would. Mun Yee left =( Haven't talked to her since she told me. Feel quite angry at her for I don't know what reason. I shall wait till it wears off and call her. She's a good friend. Gosh, I still miss Nina like crazy.

Urgh. Studying is not fun at all. I'm not use to this kind of stress even though I should be as a student. Call me spoilt =P

I still get scared at the thought of leaving. So scared I tell you! But it's been okay. Every time I start to freeze up, God will immediately show me something to calm me down! I love my Lord!! I'd be leaving a few things(friends, GB etc) behind that I wish I could take along. Only a few though. I'm not one to hold on to things forever. But of course, there'd be some.

Doulos is gonna be awesome. I can't wait! Have got a quite a few things left to do. One at a time. Oh! Do you know that I'll be sailing for more than 10 days?! Weeeeeeeee

I love kids (random I know, but you don't have to know why I said it =P)

About time I have some pictures on my blue blog don't you think? All taken with camera phones. Sorry! But hey, they're pictures!

This was my view on New Year's Day. A panoramic view of KL and more from Bangsar. Imagine our view of the fireworks! Twas awesome

Us three girls of the night. Me, Sing Song and Eunice. Continue reading. *scroll*

All six of us after yummy drinks. The blackies are 10th KLs and the odd red one there's the only 1st KL GB.

My dorky brother who spent half of New Years with us "kids"

What Eunice did to my bro's ice cream

and this is Eunice! My new friend =) The other Dory!

and Maka! The other 10th KLian who didn't make it to countdown.

So there you go. They're quite disorganized but I don't really care. You can see that I've been hanging out with 10th KL people which is quite weird. Christmas Day, New Years and another event. It's because I've been hanging out with Huey Sing more and she comes with that particular "package". I'm glad I've gotten to know them, Brigade wert... all same kind of lameness =D Too bad I'll be leaving so soon, wish I've gotten to know them earlier.

Why the Pang

You know what stops me from blogging? Let me run you through my thoughts when I ask myself "Should I blog?"

"I have things to say, but then I won't have any pictures. And I don't feel like writing about that event. All I'll do is write my stuff, but that's not that interesting. People won't really want to read that? Oh forget it! I don't even feel like writing about what happened."

But now, I realised that I SHOULDN'T CARE! It's my freaking blog isn't it? So I can write whatever I want to. In MY timing. So yea.. if you think it's not interesting, then just click the little x box up there at the right hand corner of the page.

Now that that's out of the wayyyy, I'll start blabbering!

You know how I was panicking? Well, I still am. My palms would start sweating and I'd feel all dizzy for awhile. It's kinda happening now actually. And just in case you're wondering why in the world I'm blogging when I've go all these things to do, I'm gonna tell you that it's because I locked myself out of my room, thus preventing me from completing more work. I'm getting sick of telling the same old story again when I'm asked "So what are you doing?" besides answering literally like "I'm talking to you" XD So I'm gonna try to write it all here and also use it as proof to whomever of my plans just in case some people accuse me of changing them.

I'm going to do my SAT's at the end of January, 26th to be exact. Then there's my Grade 8 theory exam on the 10th of March. Between now till the end of March, I've got 8 books of Math, 2 books of LA, and 2 books of science to complete. (yes I know, my fingers a freezing up!)

On the 5th of April(my brothers birthday!), I fly of to Port Moresby, Papua New Guinea to join the ship (Doulos)! I'll be sailing to another port in Papua, Vanuatu, 2 ports in Fiji, and finally Auckland, New Zealand. If possible(and I really want to!) I'd stay in Auckland for a while as a tourist or maybe help out with the ship a little more for a few weeks and then off to Adelaide! I'd fly off to stay with my aunt ( yet to liaise with her) and uncle in their humongous bungalow. Don't exactly know what I'm gonna do there yet. Travel abit, work, join a short term mission trip there. I'd also be searching for anything I can do there to further my studies. If I find anything good, I'd stay there to complete it. Otherwise, I'd come back to KL preferably in December.

So there you have it =D When I leave in April, it could be my last time saying good bye.

Okay, my fingers are so cold, I think they're gonna be chopped off.

Pang!

Oh crap, I'm so nervous right now. I'm feeling the pressure! It's1.57am, 2nd January 2008. That was fast! I thought I had four more months! How'd it get to three???
I'm so scared my finger tips are getting cold, my palms are sweating, my heart is thumping faster, I've got butterflies in my stomach and my head's getting wuzzy.

Just THREE more months! How in the world am I going to do it. SAT, theory, school, Doulos. THREE MONTHS!

*slowly breath in, breath out"

I need thee, Oh I need thee, every hour I need thee