Monday, August 13, 2007


I feel horrible. This is actually one of the very few times in my life I'm actually upset about something that's normal. I'm such a pro when it comes to keeping my feelings inside. I guess this time, it's doing more bad than good to me.
It's been going on since I realised I was going to graduate. Last year, all I had to do was think about my options, and they weren't so bad. Then as time goes by, so many other things had to be thought of that didn't even occur to me before. Things that I have no control over.
I'm going through this stage of my life so blindly because I'm not getting enough help. I'm so afraid that I might make the wrong decision and regret it later.
My mum is doing all she can, but really, it's NOT ENOUGH. She isn't my teacher and won't know whats best for me in my system. She's not the one giving out the money. She says that I'm already taking things into my own hands and why should I ask other people for help. Of course i need information from other sources. What do I know of my future? I feel like I'm being taken for granted and pushed aside. It's like as if, my education, my future does not matter at all just because I SEEM like I know what I'm doing. EH! not matter what I'm still only 18 and I need guidance like any other person.
I haven't even told anyone about this yet, because I just can't. I WANT to . But I can't. Things just keep getting in my way. Every time I think of it, I'll get all upset and frustrated and start the waterworks. How in the world am I suppose to talk to anyone about it?
I wish I were in the government school at times like these. At least there you're getting SOME help. There are open days and stuff from uni's that will be held in school. Then you don't need to TROUBLE your parents sending you up and down. In school you have teachers or other people who are there to help you think about your future, or at least friends who are going through the same thing with you.
I haven't ranted like this to anyone about my future. It sucks more than anything I've ever gone through.

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