I wish, I need, Maybe

I wish I could get sucked in a hole and maybe come out at another end to a whole different universe. I wish the myth about sinking sand was true. That at the other end, You're in a different place. I wish I could freeze myself and wake up in the future like Cartman. I wish I could go to heaven right now. I wish I could stop my beating heart. I wish I could shut my brain completely off. I wish I could just leave. I wish I could erase my memories, both good and bad ones. I wish I could be sent to the butcher to be chopped up alive. I wish I could be sliced open and my guts taken out of me. I wish I could point a shotgun and blow my head up. I wish the human race could be extinct. I wish that everyone was sad.

I need a new brain. I need a new heart. I need all things old to be burnt fried and sent to hell. Or rather, sent to hell to be burnt and fried. I need to run away. I need a complete change.

Then maybe, just maybe, I could be truly happy forever.

Flies

I've not been blogging lately because if I did, it'll be all emo now. Been fucking depressed for days. Ah yes. And I'd swear too. Sorry.

So I shall let the flies take over until I'm a happier person

or, I actually itch to blog

or, something stupid like the lock thing happens again

till then, 38 fucking days left!

I don't even have a word to describe it

I better post this while its still fresh. So I locked myself out right? That was Saturday morning. I didn't call the locksmith because my mum wanted to look for the keys first. (Don't want to admit defeat la...) Plus, I was really lucky because the day before, I brought a load of stuff to Huey Sing's house and didn't bring them into my room. So I had my bag, jeans, one top, comb etc. Even my school bag was outside cause I was actually hard working this holiday and did work

So after FIVE days of being locked out and sleeping like a nomad, after FIVE days of searching high and low, after FIVE days of trying to pick the lock, after FIVE days without my phone, I finally call the locksmith. He came in the evening, picked the lock with his fancy tools and charged me RM45.

Here comes the most *I don't even have a word to describe it* part.

Immediately after he unlocked the door, I searched for the keys in my room and couldn't find it. My mum checked the basket where the key's are normally kept again and... TADA! She found the keys behind the basket!!! (Ya, you can shoot me now)

So, I paid RM45 for nothing, went without my room for FIVE freaking days for nothing and everything else for nothing!

At least now I know I can wear one of my mums skirt (even if its a little loose) in emergencies, I know that I can actually survive without the stuff in there (except my phone), I know that the couch is actually quite comfortable to sleep on, I know that not having my room makes me emo less because there're no four walls to keep me sheilded.

Right, everyone can choke me now.

And Again

I guess I should blog, but I wouldn’t be if not for the fact that its 2.34am and I have no room to go to again. I locked myself out of the room. Again. So not a great way to start a Saturday, especially one that is packed with important events. My day just went south from then onwards, but it was all good when I arrived at GB. The cadets ar.... they make my day! Didn’t get to see them for three weeks and I’ve already missed them much much much. How am I gonna survive without them for 8 months?! Super duper uber mega cute little girls =D =D

I got my SAT results! I thought I was only going to get them on the 25th, until I saw that particular email. It's okay I guess. I didn't get 1600, but I also just found out that that's not the average score =P The average score is about 1500. Remember how I was expecting 1200 or 1300? I did better than that. Yay! Such a relief.

I haven't written about my preparation for Doulos for quite some time now... I have RM4000 more to raise and right now, I really don't know how to raise that last amount. Then again, I've received RM11000 and that's awesome don't you think?? I also found out that I can only bring 20kg with me. I think that's the normal limit for any flight, but how in the world am I going to fit 8 months worth of living away from home? Especially when packing for Doulos would be different from packing for Australia. e.g. packing something I need for Aus but not at all for the ship therefore taking up space for things I'd actually need on the ship.

I actually wanted to spend sometime in Auckland after I get off from the ship. Holiday there abit for maybe a week. I mean, I'm already there right? So I might as well... But then, I don't have a place to stay! And my dad is too much of a dad (protective, if you don't get me) to let me stay in a hostel. His reasons are fine, but then again, when will I get another chance to be there?

Last night, my dad was talking me through all the airport stuff. I've only been on a plane twice btw. Once when I was too small to remember, and once about 3 years ago. The first was to Singapore and the other to Kuching. And, the only other country I've been to is Singapore. Therefore, this flight thing is going to be quite scary since I've got about 3 trips to make. Not to mention the transits. Which means about 2 to 6 planes.... And, all alone! And, I've never done it before!! Scaryyy

49 more days. I'm going to miss home abit, but I still CAN'T WAIT TO GO!!

Ah yes, CNY has been okay only. Didn't play black jack at all! Didn't even get to see a lion dance! Ishh... Nevertheless, it's okayy, been playing alot of mah jong though =D Ang pow also not as many, but I haven't even started counting. Singapore ones also not bad I guess. Haven't even opened any yet. And, just for the sake of mentioning it, I didn't get to buy any pink M&M's, didn't have time =(

Okay, time to go sleep on the couch

Singapore

Yes, Im in blogging from Singapore. Paid 1 Sing dollar to use the internet for 15 min. I've got 10 more, so I shouldn't waste it since I didn't receive anything important. Im blogging through my email!! I finally figured out how=D
 
Singapore is nice. Not that many ang pao's but the foos and shopping has been great! oh crap.. I was suppose to get a camera. Darn. Sale everywhere! and they have rasbery m&m's!! gonna get a few packets back home =D
 
And and and and and.... I GOT A DORY POSTER!! *screams* aaaaaaaaaaahh!!
 
I'm staying in the gardens hotel. For once, after my whole life of staying at relatives puny flats, we're staying in a hotel. It's old... but nice, and clean. My bro's and I wanted to go check out the pool on the 5th floor, but it's damn scary cause it's so dark. Ended up here wasting 2. something something ringgit.
 
5 more min, um... it's 1.27am right now actually. We're leaving at 5am to avoid the jam. I have super cute nice and nephews! Babies =D =D My naphew loves Transformers! It runs in the family la..
 
Okay, 3 more min. Time to post this up

---

Blog it to your Space with Live Writer! Windows Live Writer

Boxes

Can I just leave? Right now? Leave and not come back. I mean, who is there to say good bye to? Or rather, who'd want to say good bye? Pack up and just go. Leave everything here the way it is. Because from the looks of it, the boxes are just gonna keep opening up. Slowly, resurfacing, torturing me.

To say goodbye would mean opening up those boxes slowly. Even if I don't want to. They would just come out from deep inside, so many years of keeping, and now open to say goodbye? Whatever for? I'd just hurt myself! Every goodbye means opening up a box, and maybe even creating new ones.

Can I just leave now? Right now? 60 days is too long. I need to go NOW. While the old ones are still at the bottom and the new ones are being buried.