I thought

When I update so often, it means I'm bored. I've mentioned it a billion times. I'M BORED.

It's still so difficult to get people out! I'm not feeling well, I don't have time, I don't have transport, I don't feel like going, I don't have enough cash... Am I the only one who gets this? I wouldn't be surprised. It's not the bloody first time! Either people don't want to go out with me, or I'm just unlucky. I chose the former.

It's always like this! Remember when I said in MENTOR? It still applies, except, I'm not super women. I can still feel rejected

I have no problem in school or in GB. Why? Because people have a reason to come to me. I'm a "go to for..." girl. Why would I be so bored this week? Not a single call to go out. ( It sounds like an immature girl whining right? This time it's not. It's just stating a fact.) I try to find solutions to these. Take it on myself to call people next time. Don't just wait around. But it still doesn't bloody work does it?

Some people are just "socially wired", they have some kind of ora that makes people WANT them around. Aih, society these days I tell you. So sickening.

You don't even think twice about calling me. When I confront, I thought you were busy, I thought you weren't home, I didn't want to disturb you. WHAT THE HELL! You won't listen to my advice unless the other person agrees with me. You say you don't like that girl and that girl because she's picky when you yourself bloooody do the exact same thing and dare to justify yourself when confronted. I was the last person you thought of when you wanted to go out to that place. You would go through a "list" of people before you come to me. You would chose to go out with so so over even though you've already made plans with me. You would do whatever it takes to spend time with that person but the moment something happens with our plans I don't think so la, it'll be too rush. Apparently you know how I think because you know who I "hangout with". ARGH! Immature!!!
I try my best to overlook these and just say leave it to them. But try being in my position your whole social life in every area of it.

No, I don't think you understand.

Why? I'm not fun is it? I'm troublesome is it? I'm weird? WHAT? I want to know. Tell me.

Who reads my blog? It goes from 11 hits to 30 in a week. Not many people know about it and I barely have links anywhere. Leave a comment in the chatbox thing la. Then I know. I wanna know who reads my mumblings

one week

It's been exactly a week since my last post and I'm doing the exact same thing I did last Monday. I've been awake since 8 and I think my butt is stuck to the chair. I don't want to go for piano class! Still trying to convince mum to cancel it.

The mission trip was amazing! And as I've mentioned before in my emo-ish posts, there really is a reason for everything. Like "if that did not happen, then that would not happen" Lemme show you...

21st - mission trip/Gwen
22nd - mission trip
23rd - mission trip/camp

I heard about the trip before I heard about Gwen. I got myself all excited about it cause I've always wanted to see Gwen live! I've missed Muse and LP so the only other artist I wanna see live would be Gwen. When I realized they clash, I was hoping the trip'll get canceled. It didn't. I even arranged for my dad to send me up to Kampar after the concert. It could have happened. Although, if my dad would have sent me up, I wouldn't be able to attend the family camp. I wanted to attend the camp because two little super adorable girls are going for it too. So basically it was Gwen/trip or trip/camp. It ended up to be the latter. I don't even know why. A normal person would chose the former right? I could have thought of all kinds of ways to make it happen, but I didn't. One of the reasons was also that I didn't have anyone to go with also la (I know. Such a loser right?)

There's more.

A day before the trip, my officer called and told me we're visiting 2 villages. one on the 22nd and one on the 23rd. ( I know!) PLUS, the village we're visiting on the 22nd is the one I've been to before and they're going to a different one on the 23rd, the day I leave for camp. WTH? I miss the concert to go to a village I've been to? Strangely though, I didn't feel as pissed as I normally would. I just floated again. Trying to twist things like asking my officer if we could switch the visits. NO change there.

So i go on, having lovely Kampar food and then to the village. Man! This was different! The kids were more open and friendly, we spent more time with them because we had more time this time with them. I LOVE IT THERE!

Later, I found out that 3 of the girls there were homeless because some mad women set their houses on fire! Including their families, about 19 of them were left homeless and they had nothing left. Fortunately no one was hurt. My team took out RM50 for each family to help them and I still felt it's not enough. The girls showed us their ruined home and one can really see a home gone. (I'll put up pictures when I do.)

When we got back to our dorms, I decided to call my mum to bring up my album when she picks me up for camp. Then I thought, I might as well ask her to bring up the clothes I don't wear anymore to give away. THEN, I realized it's Wednesday and my church has Bible study that night. So I asked mum to contact the others for donation.

The next day, my parents came up with a LOAD of things. It covered my dad's back seat completely and there were more in the boot. It was SO unexpected! My officer even thought that the amount will only cover a small part of her car boot!

So you see? If I went for Gwen and didn't go for camp, my dad won't be able to pass me the stuff for the people who need it!

GOD IS GREAT

Blab

How bored can a person get? urgh. Thank goodness I have one week away from home.

Kampar - Sengoi Mission trip

Pangkor - Church family camp

Kinda looking forward to both of theses events. I'm missing the Gwen concert because of the mission trip and I'm gonna miss the Jazz festival and some time to spend with others for the camp. I'm also gonna miss part of the mission trip because of the church camp. The way my plans went about was so weird. Like I was pushed into it. I guess it's one of those times where what I want doesn't matter cause what God wants to give me is wayy better.

I'm watching Transformers cartoon now. In case you didn't know, it shows on Mondays to Thursdays 7pm on channel 4. It's super cool but the movie is better. Oh ya, DO NOT buy the tranformers toys from toys r us. They're not authentic. Transformers coming out in IMAX!! ( I hope) I read about it on slashfilm.com so I don't know if it'll come out in Malaysia. (Here I go again. Transformers Transformers Transformers when will I get over it)

I actually started the International day post, but I'm too lazy. Maybe I'll post it up next week, when I get bored again.

Difficult

I'm so bloody angry I wanna rant the hell out of this blog! I shall try not to cause I don't want to be emo. I'm trying so darn hard to get school people out. SO BLOODY DIFFICULT! Screw la...

I wanna driveeee... Even that I can't do. Went for lecture already, but even getting to sit for my test is soo difficult. I wanna drive so I can go out!! I wanna drink till I drop. Wait, even if I could drive, I won't have anyone to go out with. bloody hell!

Why la... friends that drink have exams, friends that drive don't drink. Other friends are still *little*, have to depend on parents permission.

I've got two whole weeks of holiday. My first week is gonna be spent in camps. I have no idea what I'm gonna do after that. I HOPE I can go out with school people. We always say we have to go out during school, but when the holidays come, we don't. The last time we went out was for Jerms farewell, urgh, that was so bad... There were sooo many of us. Couldn't even go out as one group. That's why I DON"T LIKE going out with a big bunch of people.

Last few weeks, especially the week we planned for INTERNATIONAL DAY, school was sooo awesome! The girls and some guys we cuckoo! Ish, I wish I wish I wish the girls can go out oone day and just sit, talk and laugh... before we all get separated.

the wonderful girls(MY's missing)

Some of them get on my nerves at times, but I don't care, cause they're still awesome and I most definitely pissed them of at times.

The best thing that can happen to me right now when I'm absolutely bored is a good movie. My life would be an absolute bore if I didn't have my movies. (my movies meaning the movies I've come to love so much)

*crosses fingers very tightly and switches tv on.* please let there be a good movie... DAMN IT! My dad is watching!! Screw(driver)! Crap la

I'll just watch a VCD. I shall watch City of Angels. Been meaning to watch that for ages now.

Seem

I feel horrible. This is actually one of the very few times in my life I'm actually upset about something that's normal. I'm such a pro when it comes to keeping my feelings inside. I guess this time, it's doing more bad than good to me.
It's been going on since I realised I was going to graduate. Last year, all I had to do was think about my options, and they weren't so bad. Then as time goes by, so many other things had to be thought of that didn't even occur to me before. Things that I have no control over.
I'm going through this stage of my life so blindly because I'm not getting enough help. I'm so afraid that I might make the wrong decision and regret it later.
My mum is doing all she can, but really, it's NOT ENOUGH. She isn't my teacher and won't know whats best for me in my system. She's not the one giving out the money. She says that I'm already taking things into my own hands and why should I ask other people for help. Of course i need information from other sources. What do I know of my future? I feel like I'm being taken for granted and pushed aside. It's like as if, my education, my future does not matter at all just because I SEEM like I know what I'm doing. EH! not matter what I'm still only 18 and I need guidance like any other person.
I haven't even told anyone about this yet, because I just can't. I WANT to . But I can't. Things just keep getting in my way. Every time I think of it, I'll get all upset and frustrated and start the waterworks. How in the world am I suppose to talk to anyone about it?
I wish I were in the government school at times like these. At least there you're getting SOME help. There are open days and stuff from uni's that will be held in school. Then you don't need to TROUBLE your parents sending you up and down. In school you have teachers or other people who are there to help you think about your future, or at least friends who are going through the same thing with you.
I haven't ranted like this to anyone about my future. It sucks more than anything I've ever gone through.